Written By Zino J.
Man’s list Woman’s list
|She should be educated||He should be educated|
|She must be in the working or business class||He must be financially stable or rich|
|Short/average height||Average height/tall|
|Dark/fair/chocolate||Dark/ fair complexion|
|Figure 8 with endowment||Hairy/smooth|
|Classy||Speaks so well|
|Appreciative in nature||Good dress sense|
|Be humble/ submissive||Should love me|
|Likable||My friends must admire him|
|Soft and neat||Kind and gentle|
I’m sweating already; with the thought of if I’ll ever fit into anyone’s “ideal man” template. The answer is a simple YES! But the challenge with a template is that an upgrade is always needed because of our insatiable nature.
For example: My Ideal Phone
- Very slim
- Front and back camera (10MP)
- Large screen
- White body
- Latest android OS
- Supersonic processing speed
I finally found the perfect phone and was enjoying it. It did all the functions I needed it for and even more. Exciting/excellent piece and I loved it (so I thought). Only for 6months later, to notice a new make of my phone with longer battery life, higher resolution screen, better camera, faster processing and slicky-cute body. And the good thing was I could easily afford it. What do you think happened? Simple! I divorced my ideal phone and got the upgrade.
Take note; my ideal phone didn’t ever fall short of my expectations, but I still left it sha. Eyah!
We fail to understand that what we call the “ideal person” is actually the “person who can meet our wants/need”. We are actually intending to satisfy ourselves; meet our specific need; feed our hunger/cravings. So most or all of what we can’t do for ourselves, we drop a list (written in the mind or on paper) and call it “My Ideal Man/Woman.” Hmmm! How selfish. (Lol)
Ok! Before someone slaps me, let’s consider another “My Ideal Man/Woman”template.
A Man/Woman that I will always be kind to.
“ “ “ “ I’m just free with.
“ “ “ “ I believe in.
“ “ “ “ I will endure with.
“ “ “ “ I’m patient with.
“ “ “ “ I hardly can get angry at.
“ “ “ “ I will esteem higher than myself.
“ “ “ “ I will build with.
“ “ “ “ I will give all I have.
“ “ “ “ I can never hurt.
“ “ “ “ I will always forgive.
Oh my! My!! My!!! I’m sure many have never thought of themselves like this. You see here that the major differences between template 1 and 2 are
Direction of flow: Temp 1 flows inwards while Temp 2 flows outwards.
Emphasis: Temp 1 emphasizes the physical/material achievements while Temp 2 emphasizes the heart of the person.
Temp 1 wants someone that will meet his/her needs while temp 2 wants someone whose need he/she can meet readily. The direction of the need and emphasis tells what we are made up off. Imagine the qualities the man/woman of template 2 will possess, compare with that of template 1. Also imagine that you want to upgrade template 2, who will it affect? Mehn!!! (scratches head).
Check this out:
Case 1: A man of temp 1 marries a woman of temp 1, what will happen eventually? (Hmmm!!! Divorce or murder or adultery …)
Case 2: A man of temp 2 marries a woman of same temp, what will be the result? (My Father in Heaven, Halloweth be thy name …)
Case 3: A man of temp 1 marries a woman of temp 2 (vice versa), Result please? (Somebody Help me! Help! Help!! I’m dying…)
With careful examination, we find out that Template 1 speaks of LUST while Template 2 speaks of LOVE. Lust is temporal and leads to collapse; whatever it builds will definite fall, including the builder. But love never fails; what it builds last forever; stands through hard times; and produces itself. Love will bring out template 2 from someone that looks like he/she was without it. See, when two individuals, who truly understand LOVE, come together as one, (chai! Kpakam! ) you’ll still see how that they are fund of themselves even in poverty (really hard times) as much as they were when in plenty. Inotherwords, the financial or material or body changes don’t affect their responses to each other; it won’t even touch how they feel about themselves, because their attention is not on things but their heart.
Now we see how we have been in Fantasyland, to think that her cooking/body or his pocket/masculinity could satisfy us for life. This displacement of love by lust is why divorce is growing fast. Someone said “I was in love before but something changed. I don’t know what, but something just changed; I woke up and just didn’t love him/her again.” Wow! Uncle! Aunty! You WAS not in love! You had your needs fully met and needed an upgrade cause you’re bored; you need more (something new and fresh) which you can’t get. That’s the result of lust.
Now let’s consider this:
How can I love and be loved?
… To be continued.